Running with Endurance... and running... and running...

Well, we’re two-thirds of the way to Thanksgiving. Happy Halloween, everyone! I hope you’re doing well. Today’s topic is – well – stuff. Which I will elaborate on more as I go on.

I was late to math class this morning. Only by a few minutes – I didn’t miss anything. It’s college, and it’s a fair-sized section. It actually bothered me how little anyone cared. I try very hard not to make running late a habit. Why this time? Well, I was taking a nap. At 9:00 in the morning, I was taking a nap. All us midshipmen 4/c (freshmen) here at Harvard get up at 5:00 every Monday morning, head to MIT, and work out for an hour. And then we all get back, eat breakfast, and take naps. I try to treat it like jet lag and stay awake, but this weekend was busy, so I didn’t have the extra rest stored up.

This past Saturday we had our Pass in Review for the MIT ROTC units. At first, we were just kind of annoyed at the early-morning practices. But little by little it started to seem important. Maybe it was the 13 gun salute. Or the subsequent two-star General. Or the fact that FOX news was covering the event. In any case, by the end of the night we were fairly impressed. It was a good night. We got a chance to spend some relaxed time with the upperclassmen, which we usually don’t get to do. After the ceremony the parents of one of the Harvard 4/c took a few of us out to dinner. We got to see each other while fully awake, while simultaneously spending time with some very tasty Italian food.

This week is going to be busy as well, mainly because of the a cappella concert coming up this Friday. Exciting! So that will be most of Saturday. I’m so thankful to be a part of this group – we have a lot of fun. We have yet to get through the skit for the concert without breaking down laughing. And of course, every weekend there is church. The sermons run a little longer than I’m used to, but I really enjoy going. The messages are scriptural and make you think, the music is familiar and energetic, and – perhaps best of all – there is always food.

So that’s a little of what I do on the weekends, between study time, of course. November is going to be a crazy month, which means it’s going to go by fast. And then there’s Thanksgiving break, and then there’s only a week until reading period! So much to learn and do, and so little time!

            No time is wasted here, though. Classes are buzzing along. In Modern Middle East, for example, we’ve finished covering several hundred years of history and are now zeroing in on modern issues. It’s a very interesting class, and we have some very good discussions. It tends to annoy the science majors – the professor will put up entire slides of questions, and we just discuss; we never attempt to answer them. Which means you learn a lot if you want to go in-depth, but you get out what you put in, work-wise.

            You spend a lot of energy here, working on things. Some things I do because they’re fun and useful, some because they’re just fun, and some because they’re just useful. And sometimes I wonder about that. In our culture today there’s a strong temptation to just ‘do what you want to do.’ Don’t do things for boring, practical reasons like money or a steady job. Go explore! Take risks! Live life! And to an extent, this is an okay or even a good thing – to an extent.

            In the Christian world, when someone feels down, we often ask them, “do you feel like this is moving you closer to God?” or “do you feel fulfilled doing this?” These are, of course, important questions. If something is not accomplished for Christ, it is not accomplished at all. We must never lose sight of our priorities. But there is a trap here, I think.

            The trick is in that word ‘feel.’ Because I have found that, oftentimes, the things that move me closer to God are not the things which make me feel blessed, but the things which make me feel tired and strained. God wants to stretch us, to take us out of our comfort zones. We cannot learn to run with endurance if we insist that everything be a nice, comfortable warm-up lap. It is in the gasping, the burning acetic acid and the sweat that we learn to run. And yes, it will make you question your motivation. It will make you tired. And occasionally it will make you late to math class.

I say this now, in my warm bed in comfortable clothes, with no pressing appointments. Tomorrow morning I will wake up and have to go outside and I will tell all my fine philosophy to go climb a tree. But when motivation leaks through the cracks in the window, it’s time for commitment to come in and save the day.

And speaking of commitment, this is much longer than my normal post, so thank you for your time, and I’ll leave you to go on your way. Happy holidays, everybody, and think of us if you’re lying in a warm bed awake at 5:00 on a Monday morning!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sorry about the pictures; blogger is being weird. Hopefully I can get it working again soon; until then, sorry, and suggestions are appreciated!

Lull

            Well, midterms are pretty much over. I have one more essay to edit and turn in, and then I’ll be done. The tests went better than I expected, so I’m hoping that trend will keep up. It would seem, though, that things are only going to get busier. November is full of events for ROTC, a cappella, and various classes, and things haven’t stopped popping up.

At the moment, though, I’m in the lull before the storm. I do the readings for my classes over the weekend, and so all my work for Tuesday and Thursday is already done. Plus, since we have an essay due at the end of this week for Hebrew, we have hardly any other work. Math is going along as usual, but I understand it at the moment, so it doesn’t take much time. Overall, things are calm – at the moment.

I may take a moment to mention my Hebrew essay, because I’m really happy about it. I’ve been studying Hebrew for less than six months, and yet I can write a semi-academic essay. This is good. I am good enough at Hebrew to write six pages without repeating myself more than necessary, and bad enough that I don’t notice all the egregious errors I made when I go back through to check. Later this week I’ll get people to help me check it, but for now ignorance is bliss.

The fall influx of tourists is still here; it seems like twice as many as usual. Or maybe they’re just getting more confident? Today after ROTC (we swam some laps and then played sharks and minnows – I liked it) the NROTC freshmen were walking past the John Harvard statue in our Navy sweats and had to go through a section of tourists. And for a few seconds, we were press darlings. They will step in front of you and snap pictures a few inches from your face. And they kee stopping us and asking to have their pictures taken with the foliage.

It is definitely fall here. The leaves are turning (since all the tourists have pictures, I thought ya’ll deserved a few as well) and the wind is blowing. This morning coming out of swim PT in the cold I wouldn’t have been surprised if my still-wet ponytail had iced over. You can’t go anywhere without seeing North Face logos. I did go shopping on Saturday – 150 dollars for a coat, but it should last me a while. Luckily, I have discovered how to control my AC, so my room is toasty warm and welcoming. (They very cleverly disguised the controls under a panel and hid it under the landline phone that no one ever uses.)

Our a cappella concert is coming up on November 1^st! If anyone happens to be in Cambridge… The songs are separated by a short skit, which I wrote. It seemed really short until I actually had to memorize my lines. And there are people with a lot more than me… oh well, we’ll survive. It’ll be great, even if it’s coming up a lot faster than I’m comfortable with!

So yes, overall life is going well. I’m not too overloaded with work, I have friends from my extra-curriculars, and just today I had some really good serious conversation with a couple of people from my classes. Things are looking up. Which is why it was so strange that yesterday, after learning about another short-notice assignment, I suddenly broke down crying at my desk.

 

I wasn’t depressed or homesick, just frustrated. Suddenly, after a lovely weekend, I felt overwhelmed. And yes, a little angry. I tried to do a little work, but I couldn’t bring myself to. So I decided to go to dinner in order to get out of my room. Chocolate is my comfort food, and they had sundaes, like every Sunday, that I had forgotten about. And I immediately decided that God was good after all. So in the space of about thirty minutes, with some ice cream and Oreo crumbs and a talk with a girl from my Life group, everything was fine. A couple messages to my dad, who took time from his busy Sunday evening to send me a page-long pep talk in reply, also helped.

Why did I start crying in the first place? Well, for one thing, I’m a human female, and sometimes we cry for no reason whatsoever. Nothing to worry about. And for another thing, I think, sometimes you just realize that responsibilities never stop – they’re like an arcade game, or for that matter washing dishes. As you’re finishing the last round, the next one is already starting. It’s something we all live with, just something I have a hard time accepting sometimes.

But please, don’t think that life here is bad. I love it. Only at an Ivy League does your morning school paper announce that General Petraeus is coming to teach at the university; where but in the MIT battalion do you get invited to watch a submarine be commissioned? Besides the brush-with-fame perks, it’s just a good place to be. Tonight in section, since our second philosophy paper was due, our TF brought us food – and not just a few cookies, no. A feast: chips and salsa and cookies and fruit cups and strawberries and more chips and water and wafers. I probably had the equivalent of another meal. And our discussion is always interesting; we never cover what we’re supposed to because we spend so long talking back and forth. It always leaves me energized.

But energized or not, I need to go to bed. I got up at five-fifteen this morning, and the week is young. So I’ll talk to all you beautiful people next week – don’t forget to leave comments if you have something to say! (If the commenting works – I don’t know how to fix it. If it doesn’t work, there’s always facebook.)

PS - Notice the lovely drawings surrounded by calculus symbols on the board- we were studying 3D extrema, and I couldn't resist a picture. :)

Rested and Ready

I know, almost all my titles follow the same format. But hey, Bones has gone through 8 seasons with titles like “A Boy in a Tree”. I can’t be doing that bad, right?

I have waited to write this particular blog because, due to the three-day weekend, not much happened between my last post and yesterday. Harvard is apparently the only Ivy League to celebrate Columbus Day; I’m not quite sure why they do it, except that people need a break in the middle of midterms (Groups have advocated to change this to Indigenous Peoples’ Day). But a holiday by any other name is equally appreciated. I slept for eleven hours last night, and it was heavenly.

I have finished all my tests for midterms; now I have all the papers and projects that still need to be done. I’m pretty good at not worrying about things when I don’t want to; you could call it conscious denial, or compartmentalization, or whatever you want, but if I have time and I don’t want to think about something, I generally don’t think about it. Which is fine, until you get up Tuesday morning and have to think about things again.

But the weekend was really very nice. I spent a lot of time with UC; we had a social on Sunday night at one of our members’ apartment – members’s apartment – the apartment of one of the members. I had Korean food for the first time in my life that I can recall, and then we sat around and people did card tricks and played games and had an overall lovely time. We took a few pictures with the freshmen – I posted them here.

ROTC has settled down as far as events go, somewhat, and now are concentrating on semester- or year-long projects: activities points and Midshipmen Professional Qualification Standards. So wish us all luck with trying to coordinate those. The ROTC freshmen here at Harvard got to meet with Dean Dingman and Dean Shapiro last week to discuss coordinating ROTC and Harvard classes and bring forth any issues, which was really great of them.

I have decided that the time has arrived that I really do need a coat, so I’m working on getting around to that (Harvard was awesome and gave me the money – now I just need the time and organization to go shopping!). I am feeling much better, by the way; besides a little clogged throat, I’m all better. A little sleep can do wonders for you.

And with the long, restful weekend I can feel my curiosity beginning to peak again. I want to read about things, learn about things, figure things out, create new things. I remember again that I am here, with all these resources I can never exhaust waiting at my fingertips, and I want to explore.

I also want to write; I’ve started going through all the old plots that never got written down, wondering if any are interesting enough to write in English or simple enough to write in Hebrew. I’m devising grand outlines in my head for essays I may or may not ever write. Now the only trick is to apply this newfound assiduity to the essays I actually need to write and the presentations I actually need to finish…

Well, hopefully I can direct my energies where they need to go; I don’t know if my compartmentalization extends that far. But I have found that work is kind of like a cold pool – when you stop dipping a toe in and pulling away and instead jump in and grab it by the horns (forgive the mixed metaphors) it ends up not being that bad. Not pleasant, maybe, but not that bad.

So yes, I had better stop writing and prepare for all this stuff. I hope ya’ll are having a great week, and happy Columbus/Indigenous People’s Day!

PS: Thanks to Una for taking the pics at the social! There was also a parade in town - the one I mentioned on Facebook. I didn't get the best of pictures, but here they are!

Socials and Sniffles

            “So,” you ask, “what’s going on this week?”

            A lot of things actually – admittedly, no more than usual, but a lot of things. I have a panel discussion on the Muslim Brotherhood to attend, a talk on Israeli literature to listen to, and a martial arts class for ROTC lab. The thing about Harvard is, that you’ll read in class about so-and-so, who got their PhD from such-a-place and has written world-class books about such-and-such a topic and is just amazing. And then you’ll discover that so-and-so himself happens to be coming to speak. It’s fantastic!

            Aside from an events list, though, how is life? Well, it’s flu season. Everybody is coughing and sneezing and getting headaches and stomach viruses and fevers. My throat is a little scratchy and my head’s a little sore, but that could be because I didn’t get much sleep last night. Or it could be the other way around. Only time will tell. At the moment I’m just drinking a lot of water and hoping for the best.

            Last week, though, I did manage to work both sleep and exercise into my schedule. It wasn’t until after I slept and suddenly had my life back that someone bothered to mention that sleep deprivation lowers your performance levels more than intoxication does. I finally made it to the gym and started doing some exercises in my room, as well. And started eating healthier. I’ve been doing this for two days – we’ll see how long it lasts.

            My first midterm was last Wednesday, in Calculus III. Like I said, my class time hadn’t been that productive, but I managed to wake up before the midterm and at least get an 86. Which isn’t what I wanted, but was much better than I expected, and is salvageable if I can manage to sleep the rest of the semester (I hope).

 

            After the midterm I found a few of my friends from HCFA (Harvard College Faith and Action) standing around talking – the usual questions and commiserations. And afterwards we went and prayed on the steps of Widener Library. It was the first time I’d just spontaneously hung out with people, without planning on doing Bible study or homework or a cappella practice. It was nice.

            HCFA itself is neat; they have a church-service-like gathering every Friday and afterwards there’s a social. But I’m still too jealous of my study time to have committed much, so I don’t know as many people as I’d like. I tell myself that after midterms I’ll have time, but if I follow that line of reasoning I’m liable to ‘after’ my way up until graduation. I also have friends in the other Christian groups, and there’s a lot of intermixing. They’re all really awesome.

            I also want to get more involved in church. I’m thinking about going to one of their Community Groups, but I’m also waiting on that. I have (finally) met a few people there who I didn’t already know from HCFA or Cru, though, which is good, since it’s one of the reasons I go.

            I would like to get more involved in certain things, but I’m very cautious about it. First of all, I’ve heard too many stories of people overloading and burning out their first semester, and I really don’t want to do that. Second, I tend to shy away from excesses, so when everyone starts bombarding me with all the opportunities available here, I feel a strong desire to turn and bolt the other way.

            I think I’m starting to get a handle on things here, though. I have a ton to do, but at the moment a lot of it is long-term projects or test study, so they don’t feel as overwhelming. And I’d rather be slow at getting into things than have to drop three or four of them after my grades take the hit. I don’t get much of any free time as it is. Hopefully, with some sleep and some exercise and lots of fluids, I’ll make it through the semester okay. Week six of sixteen, here we come! 
 
 
 
 

Strategy: Sleep

              For anyone in or starting college who does not yet know this: naps are awesome. Sleep is important; without it, your mind won’t function, your conversations will be less-than-interesting, and you’ll be wandering around stumbling over your own feet. Trust me; I know. The thing about naps, though, is that you never want them to end…

            Well, in any case, now you know what I’ve been doing for the past hour-and-a-half. For the record, before this nap I woke up at 5:00, did an hour workout, went to Calculus, and revised and submitted a philosophy paper. I’m squeezing this in between another class, study for a Modern Middle East quiz next Thursday and study for an upcoming Calculus midterm on Wednesday – which, since I’ve been sitting in my Calculus class with glazed eyes, eating mints to stay awake, needs a lot of studying.

            Not that classes are going badly. There’s just the usual barrage of assignments, and I have a nice balance of problem sets, tests, essays, and readings. Readings are particularly nice because they can be done far in advance – though sometimes you’ve forgotten what you read by the time the class gets to it. The other tricky thing is keeping track of when everything’s due, especially now that the internet means things can be due on days without class.

            It’s the little housekeeping chores that I keep neglecting. I haven’t done laundry in over two weeks – I still have clean clothes, since ROTC cuts down on the time I wear my own outfits. My room, while navigable, could look a lot neater. I keep, between everything else and no sleep, forgetting my room key – the people actually know who I am when I call now. It took me until this morning to figure out how to open my mailbox. And I still haven’t dug my winter clothes out from under the bed.

            It is getting wintrier here. Did you know ‘wintrier’ was a word? You can see your breath in the mornings, though according to the radio this weekend is supposed to be summery – by which they apparently mean in the 70s instead of in the 50s, Fahrenheit-wise. It’s about time to start worrying about winter clothes, but I figure I can hold out until at least after my Calculus mid-term.

            It’s also flu season, and I’ve had my free vaccination. Everyone is coughing and sneezing all over the place, and the cold weather isn’t helping with the runny noses. But we all press on – often with blank stares, slumped bodies, and uncaring faces, but we press on.

            On the bright side, UC has now moved the Monday night practices to Sundays, so we had a lovely practice yesterday afternoon and I can, with a little luck, go to sleep at a reasonable hour tonight. Speaking of extra-curriculars, we did get out Service Dress Blues from ROTC last week, along with Combination Covers and several types of coat/parka/etc. And I am planning on getting more involved in the Christian Group I’m in – but after Wednesday. Everything, at this point, if at all possible, after Wednesday.

           The classes themselves, while challenging, allow you to get an A if you try, I think. Having received very few assignments back, I’m not sure. But in my analysis, which I’ve spent some time on lately, if I can just get enough sleep to complete the assignments properly, I’ll be okay. My problem at the moment is that, with so little sleep, I’ve jumped out of my curious mode and into my survival mode. I will explore the concepts later; right now I just want to get the assignment done and go to bed. Deeper thought has to wait for midterm study or later leisure time, when I have some time where I am both awake and available.



           At least, that’s my thinking at the moment. But now that deeper thought is starting to come into play. So I’m hoping I can wake back up and get it together before my insomnia run catches up with my grades – not that I know what my grades are in some cases.

            So, that’s the plan right now: get sleep and study. I don’t have many assignments for the rest of the week; I still have a trickle, but doing most of the readings this weekend leaves me time to study. And maybe, if I can get my studying, assignments, and part of my long-term projects done, I can find some time to go dump things in the recycling bin….

PS – A few notes on the pictures. I’m not a good enough photographer to show my breath misting, so I just took a picture of the fog, and some fall foliage. And some ivy, since, you know. The picture on the right is of the ever-present tourist groups always taking pictures of everything else.

PPS – Between the time I wrote this and now, I actually got a full night’s sleep. It’s amazing how much better my brain works. Anyways, next week I’ll try to put in more about friends and activities and stop talking about classes and naps. Promise. :)