Forging my Future

Well, I’m finally done with the semester, although finals dragged on so long, it hardly feels like the holidays even sitting here in the airport. In elementary school; there comes a day when it’s ‘over,’ when one day you have to get up and go to class, and the next you don’t. But it’s been three weeks since I’ve had any classes, and yet I still have responsibilities; I may have no class, but I still have work, and even now I have my thesis to write. The borders begin to blur, and you’re not ever quite free. I’m not really enjoying that side of adulthood.

In any case, I am free for the most part. I woke up at five as always this morning, but I still managed to be in a hurry heading out the door, mainly because, having already packed my key, I managed to look myself out of my room for the first time since freshman year. I did finally make it, and on the way to the airport my Uber driver, who also works in real estate, explained the real estate market to me, which I, at least, found interesting.

Okay, I promised to talk about SWO (N). The letters mean Surface Warfare Officer, Nuclear designated. Which means I’ll work on ships (as opposed to planes or submarines) as a SWO, and on my second tour, I’ll be working on an Aircraft Carrier with a nuclear reactor. After I graduate and commission, I’ll go to about two months of general training, and then I’ll head to a normal tour of duty onboard my first ship, where I’ll learn about being an officer. Then, once I’ve qualified as a SWO, I’ll go to about a year of school for nuclear physics and reactors, and then I’ll go to the carrier, where I’ll learn how to oversee the operation of the reactor (which mainly consists in adjusting the engines to propulsion and running drills, and making sure nothing goes wrong). And then – who knows?

 That’s the future, but this is also a time for reflection on the past – the past semester and the past year. In the spring semester, I matured emotionally a great deal, notably in social skills, leadership skills, and knowing that appearances actually matter. In the fall semester, that slowed down a good bit and was replaced by an emphasis on physical development. I know how to do compound lifts now, I have a great deal more muscle and a great deal less fat, and fitness has become a solid way of life instead of a nagging voice in the back of my head.

I think this semester has primarily been less a time of growth and more a time of transition. All my life, I’ve been preparing – for what, I hardly knew. I always said I was well on my way, but where to, I didn’t know (which was very frustrating). I’ve built my knowledge, built my experience, built my resume, year after year, line after line, accomplishment after accomplishment, skill after skill, all to become an independent, adult individual, so that when the time came, I would be ready to take my place in the world.

Bear with me here; this may sound a little amorphous, but it’s very close to my heart. As long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to do great things, to make an impact on the world. Because after all I’ve seen and all I’ve read and all I’ve learned, I still believe in the intuitions I’ve had since I was a child. I believe there is such a thing as adventure, that there is such a thing as heroism, that there is such a thing as the fight between good and evil, and it’s going on even as we speak. That the good and the beautiful and the right exist, and they can be known, and they’re meant to be fought for – and perhaps they’re the only thing worth fighting for.

One of the first things the admiral asked me in my interview was what drives me. I told him – I’m driven by the need to fulfill my potential, to not waste a single drop of the precious talents and opportunities that have been given me. I hate wasting opportunities, even if they’re as simple as the tea I forgot to drink and had to pour out when I reached the security line this morning. I don’t want my life to be poured out as a drink offering to materialism or practicality. I don’t want to stop dreaming.

This is not to say that one can dream just anything and then go off and expect to do well in it. That’s why you need books and resumes and experience and education. That’s how it’s supposed to be. When I say ‘dream’ I don’t mean the shallow sort of daydream often termed ‘ambition’. I mean intuition, conviction, that life is good and of value and that we can do something that matters in this world. That’s not to say it doesn’t take preparation and planning and hard work. But I’ve put in twenty-one years of preparation, and there’s nothing I’d rather work towards. And I think – I think – it’s about time to really get started.

Pictures: I forgot to take any of me, but here are plenty of Harvard in the snow!

This might look like a windowsill and heater, but it's actually a drink-monitoring system. If I want to warm my tea up, I set it on top of the heater; if I need it cooler, I set it on the windowsill. It works out very well.

 I always sweep out my room at the end of the semester and realize it's no small wonder I've been sick and sneezy.

Celebration after my last final (which I think went well, by the way - I liked my essay, at least):

 My room this morning. I actually do miss it. I still don't really think of Harvard or Cambridge in general as home, but this little piece of it is. It'll keep, though.