Examinations and Evacuations

            Well, I’m on a plane headed to San Antonio. Headed home. I’ve finished my first semester. Of course, the end of the first anything usually leads to reflection, but there are also other important and interesting things that happened this week – the most important being the bomb scare which ended up on national news. I’ll get there in a second.

            The only things I can remember from the last week, outside of finals, are end-of-year celebrations. ROTC had their change of command ceremony a little while back, with speeches and refreshments and new drug-and-alcohol forms for all of us to sign. The main speaker was the father of my squad leader for the past semester. He’s also a former SEAL and a current NASA astronaut. It was pretty neat.

            My a cappella group also had a Christmas Party, complete with a Secret Santa exchange. It was an interesting party – more like a business meeting with presents and snacks, really. We all had fun for a while exchanging presents and hanging out, and then we talked about tour (we’re planning on heading to Taiwan for Spring Break), song suggestions for next semester, and a few elections. Some of the officers cycle through every calendar year, and some every school year, so that someone always knows what’s going on.

            The elections were interesting for two reasons. First, they aren’t really, technically speaking, elections. If you sign up to run, you will either be in the position or co-hold the position. This is probably helped by the fact that not many people are overly anxious to run – we all have many other things to do – and consequently, only two people wanted to run for the two positions open for this coming semester. Which is a long explanation of how I ended up as Treasurer/Secretary as a freshmen.

             Harvard also has its own Christmas activities. I’m attaching pictures of the gingerbread-house decorating competition. It was a nice evening, together with all the participating freshmen in Annenberg with gingerbread and icing and all sorts of candy for the taking. At the time, though, I was still a little sick, so I grabbed a few sweets and some hot chocolate and headed back to my room. There was also a Christmas caroling service last night, but I missed that due to all the confusion about yesterday’s finals.

            Yesterday was crazy not so much because of the bomb scare, but because of the rerouting that said scare necessitated. I was in Sever when they first started evacuating; we had just started our finals. What is the first thing that Harvard students – or most college students – do when the alarm goes off during a final exam?

            That’s right. Nothing. We glanced up, slightly annoyed at the noise (we were trying to concentrate, after all), and then went back into the ‘zone’ and tried to keep working. For the record, there was a fire alarm in my dorm earlier in the year, and we did exactly the same thing. The real problem without an organized evacuation plan doesn’t seem to be people panicking – it’s people continuing life as usual.

            In any case, it wasn’t until they told us we had to leave that we finally surrendered up our finals to the proctors and walked outside. The first hint that it was something serious was the police officers – not the Harvard Police, but the Police Police. Then it started getting more confusing. They told us to get away from the building, to go somewhere and wait, because it would be a while. People unfortunate enough to leave phones or coats in the buildings couldn’t go back in, and when the proctor started to send us to the Science Center, they informed us we couldn’t go there, either. After a few minutes of speculation, we deduced bomb scare.

            I didn’t see anyone besides maybe the police officers who looked particularly worried about the bombs. We were much more worried about the finals. Contrary to popular belief, Harvard professors do not simply hand out A’s, or even passing grades. Averages aren’t so great going into reading period, and we needed those finals.

            We sat in Panera’s for two hours, having discovered that we were locked out of the yard, and tried to figure out what was going on. Most people don’t bring that much to a final, but some people had laptops, and almost everyone had a phone, and for a while both stories of Panera were filled with Harvard students tracking the news, the Crimson Twitter feed, and an assortment of group texts to try to figure out what was going on. The students didn’t know; the proctors didn’t know. The administration was trying to figure it out.

            I’m sure the cancelled finals, and the closing of several buildings used for afternoon finals, was an administrative nightmare. We all understood. But we had flights home which depended on our finishing exams on schedule, we couldn’t study properly without access to the materials in our dorms, and it wasn’t really helpful when Harvard sent out two or three emails an hour-and-a-half after the fact to tell us we’d been evacuated. Well, I’m sure it was news to somebody.

            After a couple of hours watching the gates and contacting my parents, ROTC, and concerned friends to let them know I was fine, the gates were reopened and I was able to get back to my dorm. It was strange – the yard was empty except for a few police officers who let me pass after asking where I was going. I did make it to my afternoon final, and after a lot of discussion with a lot of people who were just as confused as I was, my calculus professor was nice enough to let me personally come to the newly reopened Science Center to take the exam I had missed that morning. And thus I am sitting on a plane now instead of finishing the make-up exam, which was rescheduled for today. The legacy of yesterday’s bomb scare amounts to nothing more than a lot of texts and missing the Christmas caroling service.

            The finals themselves, despite being nearly derailed, were about as expected in content. I’m not sure how I did yet, but none of them caught me unprepared. My answers to some questions may not have been stellar, but I had a reasonable answer to all of them – there were none of those moments where you just stare blankly at the page and wonder what’s happening. That’s always a good thing, right?

Maybe it’s because of the stalled and then quickly rebooted adrenalin of testing that I still can’t relax and go into break mode. I’m not sure why, but I’m still tense when I think about those exams. Well, it’s over. I’ve already finished one-eighth of my time at Harvard. Now I’ve left the snow of Boston behind me, and I’m sitting here with a Tom Clancy novel on my Kindle half-watching 300 playing on the screen next to me and trying to think philosophical thoughts.

            I don’t think we ever feel the full import of the watershed moments in our lives. Some moments may be enormously impactful, but almost everything in live is a conglomeration, a compilation, of many, many moments. A final exam counts for a high percentage of the grade, but it is meant to measure the comprehensive course load – the sum carryover of each reading, each lecture, each section combined. Life is much the same – there are weightier moments, but they are given weight by the sum of the circumstances they are built upon.

            I guess that’s my long way of saying that I don’t really feel that different from myself four months ago, that I don’t feel like I’ve grown older or more independent. I don’t feel anything particularly special, other than lingering tension from finals and the anticipation of heading home. I’m sure I have grown in some ways – things that used to worry me don’t bother me as much; I can do more things on my own initiative with my own judgment. But this particular moment doesn’t strike me as a milestone – my first semester of college.

            That said, this does seem the appropriate time to make a few remarks about the first semester of college. So, overall impression? I like it. It’s different than high school, for sure. Mainly, the difference is initiative. You learn what you want to learn; you participate if you want to participate. There are always incentives for doing more, but it’s not required to go the extra mile, or even to make the trek in the first place. If you like to walk, though, it’s a much more scenic route.

            Enough with the extended metaphors, already. But college is what you make of it – much like life. And Harvard is great. The people are considerate, the community is interesting, the classes are fantastic, and the weather isn’t that bad, discounting February. The only complaint you can have about the activities is that there are too many – you can never have time to do everything you want. The same could be said of the class offerings. Overall, I am glad I came here. I would recommend it except that, well, it’s Harvard, and I don’t really need to. But rest assured, this is not a place where people do nothing but sit and study – even on finals week.

            I’m also happy with my choice of extra-curriculars. I’m not burned out, as I’ve heard so many stories of, and I have a solid foundation to work with if I want to add other things in the future. My a cappella group is made of a great group of people, and I’ve also formed good relationships through ROTC. I’ve had a great time with the Christian fellowships and at the church I attend here, and I look forward to returning to them next semester.

            But for now I’m headed home to sleep late, read for pleasure and have Christmas. I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, and I hope you get to spend the holidays with you families, wherever that may be. Thank you for reading my blog this semester, and I look forward to writing for you again in the coming year. Until then, best wishes!

Sincerely,

Lauren

 

Post Scriptum - Thank you to my dad for the picture of me coming off the escalator at the airport. Also, with everything else going on I'd forgotten about my ROTC class's VIP tour of the USS Constitution. It was really interesting, and we had a great time! I will now move on to swamping you with pictures!

 

 

 

Toiling On, Toiling On...

            …and labor till the Christmas Break. Sorry, Winter Break. We also have Winter trees and Winter wreaths around campus. And many of us are looking forward to going home for Winter so as to tell Winter stories and eat Winter dinner with the Winter log on the hearth.

            Okay, enough of that. In case you were wondering, classes ended here last Wednesday, as did ROTC, and now everyone is having a good time/studying for the approaching finals. I did finish my projects (they were due yesterday) and so have my time free to study for finals, when I can bring myself to once again write about the material.

            Most of my time this past week, though, has been spent being sick. When I get all stuffed up, it’s usually just allergies or a minor thing – I very rarely get fevers. I remember always having a runny nose and clogged throat and still being able to go to school. And I don’t want to be the sort of person who makes illnesses up to get out of things, so I put down my temperature fluctuations to the contrast between the heater’s steaming hot air and the chilly temperatures outside.

            And eventually, when I spent an incredibly horrible night on Friday and the fever finally broke, I admitted I had one. Due to some very good council from my dad and some friends, I was already planning on taking Saturday off, and I think it helped. But there’s less than a week before my finals, and it’s time to get cracking again.

            If I wax more loquacious than usual, it’s because I’ve been reading a Victorian-era novel. It’s been a while since I’ve seen the word “peccadillo” used so casually – hearkens back to my SAT-studying days. The book is “The Tenant of Wildfell Hall”, and it’s good, as long as you don’t expect it to be overly cheery.

            I’m combining this reading with listening to the radio more than I have in a while and, bit by bit, convincing myself to study for finals. One of them is Calculus, and the other two consist of several Essays/Short Answers. No notes. Which means a lot of research and a lot of memorization in a very short period of time. Any of you who wrote practice essays for either AP History test will probably understand this.

So lately I’ve spent most of my time inside, studying and reading, excluding the half-hour walk to church and then the return trip yesterday. The theme outside, as you can see from the pictures below, is cold. It wasn’t too bad yesterday – you just have to be careful of ice disguising itself as puddles. But today I woke up – or was woken up by someone’s very loud banging – to find it was snowing. Or had been snowing. I believe it’s now somewhere between raining and sleeting. I, for one, plan on staying inside as much as possible, though I did slip down for a few pictures and, of course, breakfast.

And at church we’re lighting the advent candles! Carols are being sung! And perhaps because where I come from it only appears in movies, in the snow there’s the feeling of – well – Winter, if you know what I mean. But at the moment, I have to go to a review session, and it takes a while to get layered up again – I am wearing my snow boots today, for the first time since I visited Boston last February. So enjoy the pictures, good luck to everyone who’s also finishing up the semester, and I hope you have a wonderful vacation!

PS – I will write another post next week and then sign off until we come back for next semester. So tune in one more time this calendar year! Also, I forgot to thank my dad for the pictures of me and the fireplace in the last post, so thank you!

One down...

           Sorry this is a little later than usual; I thought things were going to get less busy during the last days of class, but I’ve been swamped. It’s mostly my own fault, not because I procrastinate but because I had, anticipating free time, developed a very heavy schedule for myself. I always overestimate the amount of time I’ll have available to do things. And so, in order to finish my goals, I’ve been working pretty non-stop the last few days. I’m enjoying it (not sarcasm), but I hope I can get everything done. You don’t really want to hear about my to-do list, though, do you? You want to hear what it was like to go home for Thanksgiving and come back. So we’ll move on to that.

Coming home for Thanksgiving was lovely; I was so happy to be able to spend time with my family. I was looking forward to Thanksgiving for most of November, but honestly, by the week right before, the anticipation had worn off. I was worried I wouldn’t be as excited as I should be when I saw my parents.

Once again, my emotions caught me by surprise. I didn’t realize how much I had missed my parents until I’d come down the escalator at the Austin airport and had them physically wrapped in my arms. I didn’t want to let go – and that’s only happened one or two times in my life; usually I’m the impatient one rolling my eyes over your shoulder.

I think that’s what Heaven will be like when we get there. We go along in this life, kind of numb, not really noticing our disconnect with God and all the things we’re missing, just kind of floating through, checking things off our to-do lists and occasionally stopping to take pictures. Things aren’t bad, but we won’t know what we’re really missing until we’re in the physical presence of our Father.

The holidays were a wonderful time, and due either to increased maturity on my part or awareness of the clock’s ticking on all our parts, I don’t think my parents and I fought at all. There weren’t even any minor disagreements or annoyances, as far as I remember. Hopefully that will keep up for the Christmas holidays – keep your fingers crossed.

The time spent at home also raised questions of what, exactly, “home” is. Several people told me that when I got back from the Thanksgiving holidays, it would feel like I was “coming back” to Harvard and not just “going back,” if you know what I mean. I would no longer be the dove grabbing a piece of twig and then flying back to home-sweet-ark. I would find a branch and settle there.

            In a way, they were right. It felt like I was returning to somewhere when I came back here. Once you live in a place a while, there are familiarities that make it ‘your territory’, that make it home. But I also felt I was returning when I went home – there’s something about the place you grew up in, a place that formed you even as you carved out your place in it, which resonates deeper than a room you’ve decorated for a few months. But perhaps the truest sort of home is not the sort you are born into, but the sort you create yourself. We’re not there yet, though. I’m just happy that for now, wherever I am, I’m home.

            And this home is bustling just about now, not with Christmas cheer, but with finals preparation. I have two projects and three finals to complete before I head home, along with all the other projects I’ve set myself in anticipation of this free time. At this point, I have all my daily goals written out on a piece of paper that’s the first thing I see when I wake up. And it just keeps getting more and more crowded. Well, two-and-a-half weeks, and it’ll be over.

            This is also the last week for ROTC. We had our Physical Fitness Test (PFT) this past Monday. I did fine, despite my loathing for mass starts on 1/8 mile tracks. As a very goal-oriented person, I have problems with the idea of constantly running away from the finish line. There’s also the fact that when doing 12 laps, I almost invariably lose count and mess up my pacing. All the same, it was a good finish, to be wrapped up with change of command on Wednesday.

            Everybody’s already busy planning for Spring Break and next summer, and I just want to get through the next couple of weeks. I’m planning, yes, but that’s in the background. Mostly, I’m concentrating on checking off those daily goals. And yes, this blog is one of them. So I’m going to post this and then move on to the next thing. For tonight, one down, two to go…

 PS: The pictures are 1: my room cleaned up and in stasis as I head out the door. 2: a cinnamon roll from Panera’s (significant because I, without realizing it until afterwards, went to Panera on my way to the airport and got the exact same thing as I ordered with my parents the first day here), 3: the hotel back in Texas the night before the airport, and 4: a fire in my own living room (I believe it was initially colder in Texas than it was in Boston), and 5: a pic of the Charles river from the T as I headed back to Harvard.